Enough is enough already...I don't think I can keep living my life this way...I am drained.?

I serious think my marriage of 4 years is nearing the end. I no longer feel connected to my spouse. Our lines of communication are decaying and we can't ever seem to talk to one another without it turning into an argument. Neither one of us is innocent. A marriage can't fail due to the actions of one spouse. I have been withdrawing from my spouse for the past year and can't seem to find the spark that brought us together. I am having a difficult time remembering the good times, since we have lately been having more bad times. Old unresolved arguments have left us both full of resentment toward one another. I have suggested for years that we talk to a counselor to learn how to communicate to one another, but my spouse always advised against it. However, last month, she suggested that we seriously work on our marriage and start putting it first. We both are active duty military with a child. Needless to say, we are often very busy. We have neglected to find time with one another...and I am predominantly the one to blame. But I must say that I started to withdraw because my wife and I never could really establish a true sexual intimacy together. I talked to my wife on several occasions to try to increase our sexual intimacy, but she would always get upset. I would also become upset. I was not happy with always being the initiator of sexual intimacy between us. My wife would show very little interest in having sex. I recently read an article below regarding the hazards or a sexless marriage:





Withholding sex is about control. It's a passive/aggressive way of expressing anger. Someone who withholds sex will imply by their actions that they have a lot to give. They are, by all outward indication sincere in their love for their spouse. They hook you in with sincerity and then they cut you off.





They feel in control if they have the upper hand sexually. You are put in the position of being the one who initiates sex. Your spouse doesn't have to do anything in the relationship except show up. All the work needed to develop and maintain a sexual bond is up to you. They don't have to take responsibility for any problems in the marriage, and if the marriage ends they can point a finger at you for being the problem.





Sexual rejection, especially by someone who vowed to ';love, honor and cleave unto'; you is devastating. It leaves you feeling unattractive and undesirable. You may internalize her rejection and blame yourself by thinking you are not attractive enough; sexy enough, thin enough, smart enough. Her actions will give root to unhealthy beliefs about yourself and your value as a person. There is the danger of depression, loss of hope, you may feel old before your time and there is certainly a sense of shame. Shame over the fact that your own spouse does not desire you. This shame keeps you from sharing your problems with someone else. You find yourself with no support system and the growing belief that there is something terribly wrong with you.





The lack of sexual intimacy between my wife and I caused me to become resentful. I started to withdraw from her emotionally and physically. I started to become focused on not providing her with the things that she desired as well. Such as cuddling, holding hands, etc. Over time, this behavior did not help the relationship. Like I mentioned before, neither one of us focused on putting the marriage first. However, we did and still do kind and considerate things for one another. I recently bought my wife a car that she always wanted, despite it being to small for our family. (Volkswagen Beetle) In addition, prior to the Beetle, we compromised and got a Chrysler PT Cruiser...the compromise was because she wanted a Beetle, but the baby was on the way, and there was no way we were going to be able to function comfortably with a beetle as our only vehicle. So we own two very gay cars..lol. And I take crap from my fellow soldiers everyday for driving them. HAHA. Anyways, she takes great care of me as well. She always tries to get me things...such as water...or my shoes...etc. I really don't encourage this because it makes me feel like a male controlling doucebag. But she does it to express her love. However, I still feel like the lack of sexual intimacy between us has caused our marriage to slowly errode. We have started to see a counselor, but during our initial session, the therapist suggested to see us one on one. Now the counselor wants to treat my wife for depression before we can start working on the marriage. I completely agree that my wife needs to be healthy before we can start to work on long term resolutions to our problems. Depression is a very serious illness and needs to be treated effectively. I just don't think our marriage will last until her depression is completely treated. The counselor suggested that she start taking medications to assist her with her depressed state...and estimated that my wife might be off the meds in approximately 9 months and our maEnough is enough already...I don't think I can keep living my life this way...I am drained.?
This marriage sounds salvageable. Nothing you shared is not correctable EXCEPT for your complete and total focus on your needs. While this is natural when they have not be being met, it will keep you from working on the marriage at the one time it might be able to be saved. You'll have plenty of time to feel sorry for yourself if you are unable to save the marriage - save your feeling sorry for yourself until then - right now it is not helpful for you.





I strongly suggest you get the book - The Five Love Languages - I think this would help you understand your wife and how she tries to show love and affection verses how you show love or desire to be shown love.





Again form the perspective a person who has done some marriage counseling - I think this marriage is salvageable. You need to be talking to a counselor even while your wife is getting treated for depression.Enough is enough already...I don't think I can keep living my life this way...I am drained.?
You seem to be jumping to the conclusion that ur wife is ';withholding'; sex for power just because of some article u read. Your wife may have a low sex drive that has nothing to do with u, or power, or anything but horomones or lack of!


I went through a stage like this in my relationship...i did not want sex...and when we did have it i was bored...I found out it was the pill that was lowering my sex drive so i got off it.


With ur wife, it may not be fixed so easily or be easy to pinpoint.


Your wife may be just as upset about her lack of sex drive as u are! i know i was.....





I cant tell u how to fix ur marriage but i dont think u should assume anything about ur wife or why u havent been having sex.

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