How can I communicate with my husband?

My husband and I have been married for almost a year now, a year next month, and up to this point I've dealt with a lot of his bullshit, as he has with mine. However; I feel like I'm married to a total insensitive hypocrite.





For starters, when it comes to movies, he always tries to get me to see movies that I have never, ever, wanted to see, and yet I see them. Then when its the other way around and there is a movie that I want him to see, he just says no, and there is no arguing after that. Its like its his way or the highway. No compromising at all, and he gets angry with me if I don't want to watch something. And he expects me to be okay with him not wanting to watch something that I picked out? Its stupid.





You know they say that your spouse should be your confidant, that one person in life that you can talk to about anything. I really feel like I can't do that with him. I'm more open talking to my dog then him. Cause at least my dog won't roll his eyes at me or talk back. Isn't marriage suppose to be about two people sharing their goals, dreams, lives together? And when I talk about things in my life and what I want, its like he just pushes me down by saying I can't do that, or its not gonna happen for me. I mean, I do realize that some of my dreams are a bit unrealistic, like the one about me becoming a famous musician, but instead of putting me down, why doesn't he just say something like, ';well I'm here for you'; or something like that. Something that reassures me that I can go to him and talk to him about anything.





Then when it comes to arguments, when we have a fight, he doesn't want to talk about it.... ever! I try to be the bigger person and talk it through, cause that is how I was raised to be. Is that so bad trying to talk through your problems? His way of dealing with it is to close me off, and run into the other room, slamming the door and locking it on me. Its like he's trying to push me away.





I'm in a current state where I don't have a job or a car. We had to file bankruptcy and we gave up my car in it. Which was fine. But now he criticizes me for being online most of the day, which some of which I'm actually trying to help with the income by making a little money online. He says I need to get a life, but seriously, how am I suppose to get a life if I don't have a job, or a vehicle, or a supportive husband that gives a damn?





I feel like I'm constantly the blame for everything. If he starts to pick a fight with me, he'll turn it around on me and says that I'm the bad guy. I mean, he'll literally sit there trying to pester me, intentionally trying to get a rise out of me. Most of the time I just try to ignore it, but when that happens he walks off pissed cause he can't pester me, but when he's able to get a rise out of me, we start a fight, and I'm ended up being called the jerk.





We don't have children, just pets, so its just the two of us. All of my family are in a different state, so I don't have any friends here at all. I hate my neighbors, they're loud and obnoxious, and I just have nobody to talk to. I used to talk to my mom or my brother about my issues, but I don't do that anymore because I don't want them to get a bad impression of him. Because he has a great heart, he can be the biggest joy to be around and we have fun together most of the time, but when it comes to the important things, I just don't know how to communicate with him. He's so difficult and so manipulative.





Please someone help me! I did ask a previous question on here a little different from this but this talks about all my problems. He's not abusive, so don't think that he's a sadist or something. Cause he's never abused me before. I don't want to lose him, I almost lost him once, and I don't want that to ever happen again. How can I communicate with my husband?
Wow. First, the details, they are awesome. Second, your question is as long as some of my answers, but that is good. Ok, I will to keep this brief. You love him...obvious, just can't stand a few things...ok...specific is good. Now, he will sit and listen, that is a problem. You have no outlets...different problem...neighbors...can't help there...grenades work well, but the law has issues with that. Now...you must communicate. His proding you is from his childhood. He either watched his parents fight that way or he was treated that way by parents or siblings. That is his way to communicate...you just must always refuse to raise your voice. Disagree till the cows come home, don't care, just never ever raise your voice or call him names...ever. He should not you either, but you can only control you.





As far as helping you, feel free to email me anytime. Also, marriage counseling here is a must and so is financial counseling. There are lots of places that offer that, try church based first. Stress the fun he provides and compliment him on it...often give complaints. We all like them, but don't make them fake...the more specific the better, not you look good today, but your hair is just right today is much better.





Ok, short quick answer and changes I can not offer. Also, be careful at some advice here,...just be careful. I hope this helps. All my best.How can I communicate with my husband?
If this is how you guys communicate over small stuff, like movies and such, perhaps you should see a counselor or cut your ties. I can only imagine how you would deal if one of you were to get cancer or have infidelity or when and if you start to have children. He may be a nice guy with a great heart but if it does not get better it will probably get worse.





EDIT After reading your add on, I realize that you refuse to work on your problems. There is no magic pill. You made your bed so quit being such a baby and lie in it.





Also, the phrase is I am not resorting to a divorce, not resulting.
Hard to believe this guy has a big heart....You can't communicate with someone who is selfish, self absorbed and immature....He has to want to change the way he relates and communicates with you....You need to convince him that seeing a marriage counselor would be a great idea for your marriage....He may not be abusing you physically....but I honestly believe he is abusing you both emotionally and mentally....
First of all...hang in there..and secondly MARRIAGE COUNSELING, if he's wiling. I too just went through a rough month, my husband of 3 years wanted out, 6 weeks after I gave birth to our second child. Now before you ask, NO he wasn't having an affair, everything was just building up to that moment. Now again like you we were together for a short period of time (3 months to be exact) and I got pregnant, we got married 2 months after that. So we never got to build our foundation as friends, or a couple before we became parents. Plain and simple we didnt know how to communicate with one another, sounds easy, but really men and woman are soo different when it comes to communicating. Well after a month of being seperated, and all the ups and downs of him playing house, then going back to work and trying to cut ties with me, to playing house again I finally put my foot down and set my boundaries. Well needless to say we are back together going to marriage therapy. But your husband has to want to do the work, b/c you can't force someone. Now my husband is truely in our relationship, no more one foot in, one foot out. And we are learning how to communicate, what our boundaries are, etc.





I hope this helps, good luck ...whatever the outcome, stay strong!
Stop worrying about communication. With this many words on one question I am sure talking to him isn't the problem. Maybe you need to be quiet a little more, so then when you have something to say it might mean more to him. As for your dreams of being a famous musician and him rolling his eyes, what are you doing to make this happen? Going on line all day isn't going to make your dreams come true. Hoping is not a plan. Get off the chair and start looking for a job near by. How young people married for year are already bankrupt is beyond me. Your complaining about movies, and your family is broke? Get up, go out and start looking for a job within walking distance. If you can't find one, start looking within bike riding distance, still can't find one. Get a bus schedule... see where I am going with this. Find a job, you will get some self satisfaction out of being productive and helping out around the house. Maybe then your husband will cut you the slack you want.
You didn't notice any of this before you got married? If not, that would be hard to believe. Regardless if he can be a joy sometimes, he has an evil streak in him that causes you to be very unhappy. Why would someone want to get another person upset? Does he like to see you unhappy? If he doesn't try to change, he will only get worse over time. I would question his love and his morality because that isn't how you treat someone you love and sure isn't moral to try to make somebody mad on purpose like that. That is sort of deranged to get your kicks out of making your wife mad like that.





EDIT: You will have to put your foot down and take the heat. Let him know that he should give you some slack. Be bold, not wimpy. Demand respect. I don't really condone divorce, but he has to change for the better or separate temporarily to give each other some space. Not to divorce. Hopefully, if he sees that he could lose you, then he will try to change. You have to stick it out some how. Don't get a divorce though unless he starts cheating on you or worse, beating you. Pray, pray, pray. It might take awhile if there is going to be a change, but something tells me you have looked over this behavior for the sake of love before you two were married. Now you have to deal with it through thick and thin, for better or worse.
Well for starters, YOU CHOSE HIM. It's not like a pair of shoes you can take back right? lol. A lot of people treat marriage as something that can be thrown away. NOT SO. Marriage is a sacred vow!! Once and ONLY ONCE should it be done. Unless someone passes away, or cheats, ect.





Anyways, well first obviously, you need to TALK to him. But whatever kind of ';talking'; you're doing, he's not cool with it. (You can thank his mommy for that; it's psychological, I don't have the time to explain it, just trust me.) So, you're going to need a 3rd party intervention. Now this doesn't have to be a counselor. In fact when most men hear ';counselor';, they think they're machoness has shrunk and they won't do it. So, might I suggest a preacher or church official, or someone he trusts for you both to speak to. You both REALLY need to talk to someone.





Please understand that the first year(s) of marriage are indeed the toughtest. You are learning each others quirks, irritabilities and nastiness all together. The ';fantasy'; wears off. He thought that all women ONLY ALWAYS wore lace under panties and/or thongs.......wrong!!! lol! You thought he ALWAYS cleaned up after himself and watched your movies cause he just LOVES chic flicks.......NOT!!





My point is, things change, people change. Only your information describes a VERY unhappy husband and a desperate wife trying to hang onto her man. He seems to be pushing you away.....and I bed you to find some help.





God bless and I hop you can find it.
How is it that you say he isn't abusive when it's his way or the highway? He is emotionally abusive to you because he puts you down and makes everything your fault. Your best bet is to get the heck away from him. Go home to your mother and find a job and get yourself a car. Get away from this relationship before there is nothing left of you but a shell. Trust me. I've been in your shoes and it's not fun at all. You will find a man that will treat you with respect and not try to control everything. Good luck!
Okay, this is probably going to sound crazy, but have you tried submitting to him? Respecting him?





Many times, men who feel disrespected will behave in a way that comes across as obnoxious and selfish when what they really need is to feel like their wives look up to them and respect them. That is the biggest need that a man has.





On the other hand, when men feel like their wives respect them and see them as a hero, they try very hard to make her happy. Whereas before they would have had to have their own way no matter what the cost, after they know you will submit to their leadership, they are greatly concerned with what you want. I know it sounds like an oxymoron, but by giving up control, you actually gain much more influence over him and his decisions than you ever had when you were antagonizing and going against him.





You might try reading ';The Surrendered Wife'; or ';Fascinating Womanhood';, or if you are a Christian, read, ';The Excellent Wife';, ';:The Politically Incorrect Wife';, or ';A Wife After God's Own Heart.';
I would suggest you go home for a visit for separation and this will tell you whether he would love you enough to come and get you and stress and money problems will do this to a couple believe me but I wouldn't let him get away with this he is putting you down and thinks he knows it all I hope you can save for another car after income taxes if your insurance pays for marriage counseling I suggest you two go to it
I just read your question and wow i hate to be the meany here but didn't you have a clue before y married him you had to have had some kinda clue people don't change all that much he sounds like he's still young and in mature the only thing i can suggest is try and talk to him if that doesn't work short of leaving and getting a divorce i don't know what else you can do what ever u do don't have a child until u get this all straighten out maybe he would try and change if you stood up for u self more don't cater to him like the movies don't watch them if he doesn't like it say well now u know how i feel. is there a bus system in your town if there is use it get out and find a job just so u have something other than him to depend on that could be part of it he treats you bad because he know that u have no where to go and no friends to turn to so start with making a friend i know how hard that is would be easier if u had a job. From my own exp i have found that we teach people how to treat us every time you keep your mouth and let them walk all over you you are saying i don't mind being disrespected and not having my needs met i like being the victim here. You have to stop this by not allowing any one to mistreat you.So stand up to this husband and don't let him walk all over your feelings
It appears everyone gave you good advice but you are too helpless or pathetic to accept it. Perhaps when your husband comes home after cheating on you and beats the crap out of you, you'll rethink ';resulting'; to a divorce.