If you had something that was hurting you constantly?

and it was due to your spouse not caring about a certain aspect of your marriage, what would you do?





Everything else in your marriage is great. You get along great, you both are very well off financially, you have beautiful children, etc.. but there is this one thing which bothers you constantly and no matter how much you try to communicate or have your spouse emphasize, they could really just care less when it comes to this issue and constantly make excuses not to resolve it. To the point where they would reject marriage counseling and any other form of dialog?





Would you live with it and continue to have it pester in your gut or constantly annoy them with how this is hurting you hoping that one day they get the point and care enough about your feeling to do something about it?





And please no ';get divorced'; or no ';you shouldnt of married them in the first place'; answers.If you had something that was hurting you constantly?
Are you talking about a sexless marriage?





Whatever that issue is, I would consider the spouse to be extremely selfish for not compromising. If I couldn't even get them to go to counseling and it was a deeply hurtful issue, I'd be considering a divorce very seriously.If you had something that was hurting you constantly?
I might be way off base, but I'm thinking you might be talking of a sexual problem?? If so, she does need to address it with you.





Whatever the problem is, sexual or not, ask her how she would feel if you refused to address an issue that was affecting your marriage. Assure her that you want to keep the lines of communication open, and the health of your marriage is at stake when there are things going on that can't be talked about. Ask her if there are things she wants to address with you, and be willing to discuss any problems she brings up. Maybe if she sees that you want to help in areas you could improve on, it would encourage her to cooperate also.
It really depends on what it is..


For the most part my marriage is the same, but if there is something I don't like I'm very adamant about it. to where he gets annoyed. Basically I do what it takes to get what I want.. I too don't believe in Divorce. I would definitely cause a scene to get him to notice how it makes me feel. That always gets my husbands attention.
I would go to counseling, alone if necessary, and try to get an objective view of the situation. Maybe it's an unreasonable request. Maybe it's unreasonable to refuse it.


It really depends on what that aspect is and how important it is to you.
Sounds like you need to take her out for a nice dinner. Somewhere that is quaint and quite so that you can have her undivided attention. Then discuss the issue with her. Nagging her would probably push her away. Try to keep it as civilized as possible.
Of all the numerous aspects of marriage, I honestly think I could overlook it if my wife didn't care about just one of them. Nobody's perfect. There's always a way to compensate for our loved ones' perceived faults.
Depends what it is. You aren't perfect either and there are things you do that drive them nuts too. It's a give and take and you learn to compromise. Weigh out the good and the bad. You might trade in for something worse.
everybody needs God in their life, have you tried prayer?


you have to ask him why it isn't important to him


maybe he is trying to get back at you for some fault you have?
it depends what that issue is
That's a good question. It really depends on what it is that bothers you most. For me, if my husband was getting too close with another female, then that would bother me.





Luckily he hasn't done that but if he does, I will tell him. Back when we were dating, he ha been with a girl who was on drugs, has 4 kids that he adored. Anyway, long story short, he wanted to have those kids in his life. Me on the other hand, DID NOT! Now that we are happily married with a baby I'm very thrilled that I do not have to worry about that.
I can't give a great answer because I don't know what it is that's hurting you. It may be something as trivial as he doesn't take the trash out when you want him to or something serious like he still keeps in regular contact with ex-girlfriends.





The fact that the two of you cannot communicate and come to an agreement about this issue seems pretty serious. Maybe you need to have an impartial third person (MFT, probably) help mediate the discussion and can help you reach a compromise. Marriage is all about compromises, so you need to work on the problem. Don't just ignore it and hope it goes away.
If it was hurting you constantly, as you say, then yes, something needs to be done. You shouldn't have to ';live with it'; if it's causing such pain even if it's something that only affects you and no one else. It's a problem that your husband doesn't think that is a problem, yet you do, so if he's unwilling to work it out with you in the areas you mentioned, you could possibly seek counseling on your own. Then he might realize how important this issue is to you and possibly be more inclined to help reconcile the situation.





If everything in your marriage is great except this one thing, then I would definitely suggest seeking some avenue to resolution especially since you have children.





If this one thing involves some sort of abuse, however, I would definately take it up with the proper authorities.
I have been feeling the exact same thing with my husband.. and, I am tearfully saying.. I want to tell you to hang in there if there were an ounce of you that still loves and sort of trust your spouse... I have found that you can not make some one love you or feel your pain if they refuse to.... what I do is start to back off to the point that it makes the person actually realize what is going on... Stop talking about it... Just start being yourself and say what you feel without holding back any of your feelings no matter how the person feels about it. Cause it is obvious they must don't care about your feeling either. :-(
You didn't give ANY indication of the ';problem';, but said every other aspect of your marriage is GOOD. However, it IS something that is bothering you deeply even tho she doesn't seem to think so. Very possibly it could be something that just YOU could go for counseling, which in turn just may help YOU in the long run. IF this be the case, I wouldn't hesitate going for a few sessions on your own which hopefully would just get this situation cleared up for you once %26amp; for all %26amp; you could just put it to rest. Give it some tho't %26amp; see if maybe YOU could put your mind at east just by attempting to take ';control'; of it on your own. I feel by her rejecting counseling, she KNOWS it's HER FAULT %26amp; she doesn't want to hear that! That's why she's avoiding that end of things. To me it would be well worth the try of you going by yourself, she can't stop you!...Best to you...:)
Marriage counseling was a great idea. However, when one spouse rejects that, or dialogue in general, then it is time to sort out that dialogue with someone who has no emotional attachment to the issue at hand. Meaning, the spouse who is troubled on a day to day basis should give therapy a shot. Therapy just on their own. It takes tons of work to get that 'pest,' to be removed. And maybe it never will be. But why not try to ease it with someone who can help one to speak it aloud without being ignored, censored or judged.





I think it is clear that the one spouse ignoring the issue may never come around, or needs to be approached about it differently.


But at this time, under these circumstances, seeking help for oneself, will allow it to be put out there. Once that happens, our judgments or our anxieties are somewhat alleviated.





If one spouse can't seem to face the issue, than the other spouse needs to recognize that they must work through it. Therapy is a great gift.


If the relationship has all of these wonderful qualities, then it is worth fighting for.





Cheers!