How do you and your spouse communicate about issues and concerns?

My husband and I are suffering, but neither wants to give up. We can't communicate. I feel like we are literally speaking different languages or something. Last night, I told him two things that upset me, he ignored those things and got upset that I was talking about something else(which I didn't bring up at all) I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. He says that he's happy with everything and it's me who always upset about something. He says we have the same conversations over and over. I agree, but it's because nothing ever changes. The main issues remain the same.





How do I open the communication lines? I really want to work on issues, but can't do it if he's going to pretend everything is hunky dorey. He obviously can't really believe that. We can't afford counselling. Any tips on how to open things up? My husband isn't a husband who will go along with things either, he'll fight the whole way. Please help. It feels hopeless, but I know there is a way.How do you and your spouse communicate about issues and concerns?
That is really rough and plenty of people experience it.





The fact is - you are both speaking different languages. My suggestion (would only work if both people are interested in participating) is that you research relationship books and both read about each other. Both of you need to try to understand how to interpret what the other is meaning when they talk to you.





Letting go of your (both of your) ego's and seeing the other person for what 'good' they bring into your life should help in the road towards understanding them. As a female, it is difficult to understand males and why they are so infuriating at times, but learning how to hear what they mean when it seems they are uninterested in discussing a situation they feel has been talked to death will help you in letting go of what you are hanging on to.





Once you are able to quit harping on a subject, he will feel more comfortable in coming to you and being open - maybe not to the degree that you would like, but to a healthy degree where he is communicating. The trick is understanding what he is doing and appreciating him and his efforts.





You know that phrase ';seek first to understand, then to be understood';? Easier said than done, but extremely helpful.





Good luck to you! :o)How do you and your spouse communicate about issues and concerns?
If you can't afford counseling, then go to your local church and talk to a priest or a minister who will listen, it really helps and of course, it costs nothing.





When I was going through a really hard time and I had to make a tough decision, about something personal in my life, I walked into a church and just sat there and a minister came up and I told him and we had a really nice talk, he was not judgmental, or anything and I cried and he hugged me and he made me feel like I was worth something and he made me feel like I was a person again!!!!





It really helps!!!!!





The best place to go when you can't afford to go anywhere and get help is the church!!!!!
my hubby and i don't communicate very well. pretty much wait until we're both so mad about stuff we start yelling at each other. but while he been on deployment we actually opened up alot and was able to talk to each other about problems we have. i think it worked so well was because you can't interrupt a person typing. can't truly yell at them and if nothing else you have it written up so later on when you all agree on something and one forgets you can always find the conversation. but try through email talkin to him. sometimes its easyer not to be face to face to talk to someone.
Well, I had the same kind of situation with my husband. I would refuse to talk about anything serious or something. But the way my husband got me to listen to him was he had me look him straight in the eyes and told me that I need to listen to what he was going to say. We turned off the computer, the tv and whatever distraction was going on. That made things easier to communicate. After I really paid attention to the things he was saying, I realized that I was stupid and hurting my own husband!! Since then whenever we need to talk, Im always up for listening. Or if I have something to say, my husband gives me his full attention. I cant believe what a change its been because now were open and honest and we can say anything to each other no matter how small. When you can communicate everything you need to things are so much better!! So give it a try and dont give up because communication is the most important thing in a marriage
You just have to be honest..... what ever is on your mind.. say it... and little by little things will work out for the best!





Communications is the most important!
Your husband is like mine.. lets not talking about our problems and then they won't exists. As far as I have learned (and I have been married 38 years) there is not changing these men. Suck it up, go make a life for yourself within the family unit. As long as he is bringing home a pay check consider things are good.
Tell him everything you are feeling......and let him do the same.......don't yell, or argue....just sit down and talk, or go for a getaway. Try to be creative and patient...good luck
I am confused, is he REALLY not hearing you...or is it he just does not give a crap about addressing the issues?





Sometimes men can ';appear'; very stupid, and they do this so we just give up and leave them alone.





Look up ';active listening'; online, this will help you speak the same language. You are not expecting him to ';go along with things'; YOU BOTH will need to compromise here.





Good luck!
You guys may need some counseling. If you cannot afford a marraige counselor, you should talk to a pastor, or someone like that. There are many programs all over that offer free family counseling. Look for these. Communication is so imortant. If he is distracted my something while you are trying to talk to him, get rid of the distraction. TV, radio, food, whatever. Don't try to talk about serious stuff when you are in the car. This makes a man feel trapped, and he will be closed off to whatever you say. Try to sit down with him, when you know that you will have some open alone time, and try to discuss things with him. Don't get loud, or accuse him of things. If you take some responsibility for your marrital problems, he will probably be much more responsive. Also, this is something that I learned with my husband. Men need to be men, and they want to be respected more than anything. I tell my husband that I love him all of the time. But, when I tell him that I respect him, this shows so much more of a response.





Offer a comprimise. You will have to if you want this to work. You cannot expect a man to make all of the changes. Good luck!!
i have that problem too. just tell him whats going on and try not to put the blame on him all the time--let him know that part of it is your fault too, that way he wont take the defessive side and maybe he will listen better.


i know it works for me. good luck getting him to listen (try turning the tv off if thats why he isnt listening)
Yes the same thing happens with my husband. Communication is so important in a relationship/marriage that if you don't have that, you'll slowly drift away from one another. I was honest with my husband and told him everything I felt but most of time it's like i'm talking to a wall and nothing ever changes. So what's the point to keep arguing and arguing about it? I say, let him be. You do your thing. If you want to talk to him abut how you feel again, do so. But I don't think it will matter. You just have be strong and maybe that's just the way he is and he will never change. That's just the way things are. So if he's like that for a long time, everytime you come across a situation and he tends to ignore or not agree or not come to some solution, than what's the point of even bringing anything up? Just live your life day by day and try to think positive. Because if you start to think this and that, it will only make you crazy. Just keep yourself occupied.