What do you do when your spouse won't communicate with you?

My husband is apparently having some sort of problem... he has been making my life a living hell. He works late, and he tried waking me up 5 times on Saturday very late... I was sleeping and getting pissed about it. Realizing he was drunk, I just asked him to leave me alone... plus I had to get up early to do some volunteer work. Apparently this upset him, so he went to his friends house at 4AM... I just went back to sleep, I wasn't going to stress over it and fight with a drunk. I went to my volunteer thing, and returned at noon... he still wasnt' home. He waltzed in around 1230, and angry with me... I just kept my mouth shut, thinking he might still be drunk. Then he got dressed and went straight to work. I decided... I'm not going to push him, obviously he's having problems and he can come to me when he's ready. But if I push him to talk, he will just blame me for everything. I am soooo sick of being blamed for everything... again, he tried waking me up at 3AM while I was sleeping.. I had to go to work, and being woken up every night gets really irritating to me... nothing good can be said at 3AM. I shrugged him off, finally I called him today... he's STILL pissed... I stayed calm and asked him what his problem is? He pretty much just got pissed with me, started to tell me he didn't want to talk only when I wanted to. I told him, well talking at 3AM is not going to happen..I'm sleeping and I cannot wake up every nite at 3AM because I need my sleep for my own sanity.





Anyway, he hung up on me... and then text mssged me that he didn't care to solve any problems with me and blah blah blah. I just texted back, ';ok, well I';m not going to play this game... I asked you whats wrong, you don't want to talk and you prefer to scream at me... so clearly, a solution is not possible. I'm an adult, I'm not your mother and if you can't figure out how to solve problems then you have serious growing up to do.';





So... what do you think? Do you think he's trying to avoid telling me what his problem is? Do you think he's just being a child? What do I do next? I'm calm, I don't want to argue and I just want to figure out what his real problem is. I know my problem is his alcohol, I can't deal with it and it makes my life insane... so I just ignore him if he's drunk, problem is when he comes to bug me and wake me up 5 times during the night because he's drunk. I just want him to realize that, if I participate and get mad at him he will blame me. He blame me for EVERYTHING possible... I';m tryinng to eliminate any possibility of blaming me.





what should I do next?What do you do when your spouse won't communicate with you?
His alcohol problem is becoming a big problem. Alcoholics/drunks love drama. I think he is the one with the problem. It sounds like when he wakes you up in the a.m. he is looking for an argument, at least, that's what I take from it. I think you should sit down with him (not drunk) and talk to him about the same things you ask here. Maybe he needs AA, and maybe you would benefit from ';Partners of Alcoholics.';What do you do when your spouse won't communicate with you?
1. Maybe you both commit to a schedule for sex and


2. Explain that if he is drunk when it is time to make love, he doesn't get any lovin.


3. And make him PROMISE not to wake you up middle of the night.
Sounds like he might need psychiatric care asap.
Read the book called Love Dare.
Well, he will die soon.
you 2 sound like a couple of 8th graders.
You all clearly have a communication problem and him being drunk wanting to talk 3am is not helping. I suggest that you all do a date night at home. Explain to him that you want the marriage to work and that is the reason for the date night. Ask him to also be sober doing this time. You all should tell each other how you feel when things are said (blaming) and be honest with each other. Also talk about solutions to the problems that you all are having. Now I am not saying that things will get better in one day or night but if he is willing to cooperate and communicate with you, the marriage could be possibly saved. Also consider marriage counseling.





It takes two people to make a marriage work, if he is not willing to communicate with you, going out in the wee hours of the morning, drinking etc., then you will continuously be stressed out and your marriage will tumble. Also remember, life is too short to be unhappy!
I can truly say that I understand the feelings you may be experiencing. I could go on and on with all kinds of advice but from my own experiences(and it took me a few)I have to honestly share that your best step would be to find a list of your local Al Anon meetings.





I originally never wanted to go to something like that, or anything related to AA because I thought it meant I was really stupid or inadequate. I got over myself and tried it.





You can meet other people there that can share all kinds of experiences and ideas with you. Like kindred spirits in a way. Even if you're too shy to participate at first, just listen.





Keep in mind that it's kind of like shopping for a doctor or a new piece of clothing. Your not always going to like the first group you meet. Each one seems to hold an energy of its own. Check out a few. You will find a good fit for you. It's a step in a positive direction that should lead you to many, many answers to the situation and questions you've shared.





Good luck!
well first of all you can not used words like ( i am not your mother).





you both should go see counseling. since you two can not communicate together........ he can not talk unless it is 3am and drunk. You can not listen to his craft because it is 3am and while he is drunk...... best time is drive together to seek for counseling. Should done it before you are going to see the lawyers
First your husband has to help himself with the alcohol problem he has. Alcohol on top of all of the other issues you all have will not help your marriage. I agree with one poster that you all need to take time out (when he is sober) and TALK. Express to him how you feel when he is drinking and blaming you and let him explain the reasons for blaming you and the reasons he has started drinking. The bottom line is communication and respect and the way it sounds, your marriage has lost both. It is obvious that you want to save the marriage, so ask him to go with you to marriage counseling. If he refuse to help you work on the marriage, then the marriage cannot be saved.
Sit him down and talk when both of you are awake, not drunk.


Tell him how you feel about this whole drinking problem.


Ask him why he is so upset...


Communication should be #1 priority in all relationships.
Obviously something is on his mind. he may be getting drunk to deal with it. Maybe he needs you as his WIFE, weather or not you think it's cool or not, to be available for him no matter what time it is and what condition he's in. IF it were reversed, would you expect him to be there for you? Men have difficulties in sharing with their wives or anyone at that matter. the fact that he even wants to is pretty cool. talk with him with a loving heart next time and then the next time you see each other, you would have already spoken of the problem and you can further discuss it on a sober note.
This sounds like a problem that has been going on for a very long time. I saw Fireproof and have seen the book Love Dare (as mentioned above me). They are both great, but you have much more serious problems. It is obvious that your husband is drunk and waking you up only to have sex. Which is sick and stupid because he doesn't care about you at all, only satisfying his own desires.





If he is an alcoholic, he is an addict and there is absolutely nothing you can do or say to fix that. He needs help and probably needs to go into treatment. I can understand that you are going crazy and working things out with a someone when they are drunk will get you nowhere. I used to be married to an alcoholic. They are lost in an addict world and a very immature, irresponsible world.





What you need to do is set some boundaries. For instance, if he makes a bad choice, he gets bad consequences. No discussion. Just set some boundaries for your own emotional well being. If he comes home drunk, he has to sleep somewhere else. If he talks to you in an abusive way, you leave and go somewhere else. This all needs to be done in an extremely calm way on your end. Therefore, you can say that he has made a bad choice and gets a bad result. No matter what he says, take care of yourself. I highly recommend the book Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend. It helped me alot.





The alcoholic I was married to, I am now divorced from and he is more drunk than ever and cheats on his 2nd wife. I, however, am now married to a wonderful man who really loves me. It is wonderful! I will pray for you.
i have the roll reversal she drinks i dint shes lazy im a workaholic so she wants to fight so i booted her *** out now we dont fight and i have more money so if its hell you got to get out of it unless he will talk to you honestly it will never get better